if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize