I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
