Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
