I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
