After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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