would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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