when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
