i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize