i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
