your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
