And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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