forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
