Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize