I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
