It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize