watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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