THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
