the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
