You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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