i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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