Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
