do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
