I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this hospital has no fireball
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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