Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
