We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
