Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize