Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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