my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
