So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
