My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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