my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize