Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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