u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
