i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
