I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
