He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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