My first STD was from a foam party
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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