Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
