Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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