Already got asked if we're dating
I hate all girls vehemently.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
