First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
honey bunches of taint.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
