Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
