First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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