the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
