I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
