You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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