Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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