Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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