she woke up with a sticky ear
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
