I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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