This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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