Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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