it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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