My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize