You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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