I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
