so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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