nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
