i permit you to call me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
