You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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