I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
