I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
