is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
