So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize