I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
